The Emergent Mind of a Depraved Dogmatist

We have this great store in our neighborhood called Earthfare. It an all natural and organic store. One of the things I love about it is that you can make your own natural peanut butter! Peanut butter is really good for you -not the jiffy filled with trans-fat kind- but the natural, just smashed up peanuts kind! If you can, look to see if there is an Earthfare near you!

Last month I was diagnosed with primary lymphedema in my lower limbs.  It is something I suspected most of my life. Since the age of 8 my left forefoot and lower ankle has experienced daily swelling, sometimes to great discomfort. My mother suffers from the same chronic affliction in both her legs. I have managed the swelling by staying active and have enough present lymph vessels to reduce the swelling with elevation throughout the night. Depending on the fabric I wear, the temperature and other factors the swelling can be minimal or great. About 2 months ago my right foot and ankle began to show symptoms as well. Apparently, and doctors do not know why, Lymphedema presents in a second limb in someone thirty’s if they have had it in another limb previously. I guess I am textbook.

The pictures I have to the left and right are of the lymphatic system. (the third part of our circulatory system) As blood moves through the arteries and veins, 10% of the fluid filtered by the capillaries, along with vital proteins, becomes trapped in the tissues of the body. This loss of this fluid (approximately 1-2 liters/day) would rapidly become life threatening if the lymphatic system did not properly function. The lymphatic system collects this fluid and returns it to the circulatory system. The most prevalent lymphatic disorder is lymphatic insufficiency, or lymphedema. This is an accumulation of lymphatic fluid in the interstitial tissue causing swelling, most often in the arm(s) and/or leg(s), and occasionally in other parts of the body. The severity of this disease varies from very mild complications to a disfiguring, painful and disabling condition. In addition, patients are often susceptible to serious life-threatening cellulite infections(deep skin), and if untreated, can spread systemically or require surgical intervention. It remains a lifelong functional problem requiring daily treatment for maintenance. Eventually the skin becomes fibrotic (thickening of the skin and subcutaneous tissues) with loss of normal architecture, function and mobility. (LRF, learn more)

The most frustrating part, aside from the daily discomfort and potential life threatening complications, is the lack of research and advancement toward curing this disorder. LRF, linked above, is one of the few research efforts in the USA dedicated to curing lymphedema. Germany, because of Dr. Emil Vodder, is farther ahead in their effort to manage symptoms and find a cure. Secondary Lymphedema -non genetic-is usually brought on by surgery. Breast cancer surgery especially causes lymphedema of the arm as they tend to remove the lymph nodes there. This will probably fuel the efforts for researching a cure.

Lymphedema itself is not considered life threatening but more a cosmetic annoyance by the medical and insurance worlds. But accumulating toxic fluid in the form of swelling is certainly more hazardous than that and there is a slow but hopeful turn toward change in mind sets.

The treatment since the 1930’s has been lymphatic massage and compression garments. Treating the symptoms is as far as 2oth century medicine has gotten toward really helping people with this chronic illness. People who suffer from stage 3 and 4 lymphedema are often house ridden and become socialyl inhibited. The hope is most likely to come from stem cell research. Growing more lymph cells would be the ultimate cure. I suppose this might bring it’s own moral dilemma.

I am lucky in the sense that I am healthy and only have stage 1 lymphedema. For me it is a daily pain and sometimes a literal pain and discomfort. I have decided not to become to self absorbed in this and stay active. I go to the gym often and jump rope which keeps me in pretty good shape and actually helps reduce the swelling since lymph fluid moves back up the body through muscle pumping-not the heart pumping like our blood. So-I manage. There are someday’s you wouldn’t know anything was wrong with me at all-and then there are those days where I have significant swelling that it looks like I broke my ankle. When I sense self pity taking over my attitude I just go on the web and see people who have unbelievable swelling. This help to regain perspective. One girl on the LRF website was bed ridden from the age of 16-22 until they surgically removed massive amounts of tissue from her thigh allowing her to walk again.

So, if you see me laying around with my feet elevated…I’m not lazy…I’m using the law of gravity to my advantage! Here’s to tight socks and scientific research. Until then, I’ll be swelling in too many places!

Since leaving Watermark I have not blogged. I am not entirely sure why- since blogging is cheaper than therapy. This picture of a promo table I set up a few weeks ago has drawn me back to blogging.

In the last 9 months I have moved with my family to Raleigh, NC and taken a managerial job with Barnes & Noble Inc, acquired healthcare, used that healthcare to the max, grieved the loss of friends and ministry, spent many nights out on the town with Amber, paid more than I should have to in taxes, realized truth and reputation are not always compatible, been diagnosed with Lymphedema, contemplated going to law school, have a high interest in becoming a psychologist, been forgiven, forgiven, loved and been loved and sought to be a better father and husband to my three daughters and wife.

This table was a reminder of my liberation from an old and tired Christianity, which wounded my ego and created in me a false self, and my entrance into a insecure and doubting present. I believe we are all dogmatist-even in our doubting- and probably won’t change my blog title (emergent mind of a depraved dogmatist) but the dogma of my youth has taken a back seat to the doubts of my present. I hold it more loosely now. My Christian experiences-of my own making and the environments I inherited-have given me pause about faith and ministry. They have formed in me healthy skepticism about it all. In an effort to be in touch with my authentic self I think this doubt is healthier than blind optimism in spite of my experiences and my truest thoughts. This goes against everything I was conditioned to do. But I can no longer allow this alternative person to mask my real concerns, questions and beliefs. From American politics to American Christianity I must allow my self the right to doubt and question, experiment and determine who I really am and desire to be.

I have much to blog about but plan on doing more deliberately taking my time in each post. I will seek to be as honest as I can be no longer feeling the pressure of leading and the criticism that comes from being honest.
 

“Welcome to Barnes & Noble, can I help you find something”

Bertrand Russell

“If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.”

“There is no unseen conspiracy. The blueprint of the Beast is written on every dollar bill for all to see: his narrative has long been plainly published. The dichotomy “You cannot serve God and Mammon” will become more literalized with every passing year of this virtualized age.

And when the culture of the antichrist is accomplished atop the new Dark Tower of Babel (being erected, like Baradur, in the cyber-den of virtual Dis), the number of the Beast will be revealed, finally (and simply) as line 37 of the 1040 tax return.”

I am sure that Jonathan Tobias of the Second Terrace blog and orthodox church is born to be a writer. He is obviously conservative, at times neo-conservative, but worth reading. He is worth reading simply for the power of words (sorry postmodernism) and for his deconstruction of ideologies that he turns his pen towards. I am also sure that I am not receiving all that he intends to transmit and often stumble to find my dictionary and have to reread phrases currently unknown to me. But, while you might wrestle deeply with his convictions, he has a beauty about his post that are unmatched in my blog reader and should be writing for a mach larger audience. 

This was just so good I had to save it here. Read the first one too, it’s great. From Relevant Magazine:

Editor’s Note: This story is a follow-up to Clint Heacock’s satirical look at modern church culture titled “Jesus and Preaching Problems.”

Thank you all for coming to the meeting tonight.

As you all know, we’ve been two long years without a head pastor, ever since we had to let Pastor Jesus go. You all remember how we voted on that issue. Quite simply it wasn’t working out, either for Him or for us.

But now we are certain that God has answered our prayers! After reviewing the resumes of literally dozens of potential pastors, we have found one that we think could be a great fit for our church. And last week, Pastor John and his family came up here and spent the entire weekend candidating for the job of Senior Pastor. And we are here tonight to cast our vote for or against him.

But before we vote, we wanted to take a few minutes and review the situation, just to refresh your memories of last weekend. Now, handing over the keys of a building worth nearly a million dollars, not to mention the eternal fate of more than 200 adults and children, to a complete stranger, is not something we take lightly. You can’t get to know someone overnight, after all. No, it takes at least a solid weekend in order to build that level of trust.

So if you were here last weekend, you were a part of the full activities we had planned so we could get to know Pastor John and his family. We had a great barbeque on Friday night and another one Saturday. It was a great, informal time to find out about them. Then he preached in both services on Sunday—what a dynamic, powerful message!—which was then followed up by a question-and-answer session Sunday evening. Thank you for attending these events, those of you who did.

For us, the most important issue was this: Can he preach? After all, this is the most important job for a pastor. You’ll remember from Sunday morning that he did a great job preaching from the Word. He preached on “forgiveness” and told us what we should do in light of Jesus’ words from the gospels. This is exactly what we need at this church—someone to unpack the Bible for us in plain language, not like Pastor Jesus and all of His stories that didn’t make any sense.

And if you recall from the Sunday night meeting, someone asked him the important question: “Pastor John, if you were to land this job, what is your vision for how you would grow this church?” Without batting an eye, he had a ready answer: “My job is to preach the Word and to teach you how it applies to your lives.” Talk about confidence! We believe that this was the best—and really only—answer he could have given. After all, a man who has graduated from both Bible college and seminary should be able to teach the Bible, but not everyone can tell people how they should live it. This solid teaching will finally start to grow this church, we believe.

How is this going to happen, you might ask? Well, once he gets hired and starts preaching, that will be the time for all of you to go around to your neighbors’ houses and start inviting them to church, and start inviting your co-workers too. After all, we’ll have a new, dynamic pastor who can really preach! With this strategy, this church will be sure to grow. All you have to do is get ‘em through the doors here and Pastor John will take care of the rest.

By the way, have you seen the job description for Pastor John? Basically we expect him to put in an average of 50-60 hours a week. He’ll take care of the finances, the building maintenance and grounds, lead several Bible studies throughout the week, preach both services on Sunday and have a new sermon for each Wednesday night service. We also expect him to provide his own cell phone and vehicle and be available for church members throughout the week; basically he’ll be on call 24/7 for all emergencies and problems. He’ll have a week of vacation per year, with an additional week given after five years.

What if there are problems with Pastor John? We want you to know that every member of this church is free to voice concerns. There are several possibilities for this, including e-mails, letters or you can certainly come to one of us leaders. Rest assured: we’ll deal with the issue quickly and discreetly.

And of course, as we’re getting a two-for-one deal here, we expect his wife to be involved in leading several ministries—we need a choir director, for one, and a piano player for church services, and a new Children’s Ministry director. Plus, she can probably head up the Women’s Ministry too. But remember that only he gets the paycheck, as technically we’re only hiring him, not her.

OK everybody, are we ready to vote? All in favor of hiring Pastor John, please raise your right hand …

Even though I have stepped aside from professional ministry right now I have been reading and reading about the church and her community. In fact, in a sign that I am healing ,slowly, I have been more clear in my thinking and more interested in my reading and learning about the implications of the Gospel. Truthfully, I am still grieving leaving my community of Watermark and still feel pastoral towards them and miss them greatly. It is a difficult thing to let go as, for the first time as a minister, it was not a job or a position, those you can leave easily-Watermark was my life. It has been like deciding to cut of my left arm, for Watermark had started becoming a body of one, thought it still has far to go.

Watermark, still evolving and full of potential, and other missionally driven churches should heed these words from a great book called Total Church by Tim Chester & Steve Timmis pastors/leaders of The Crowded House church:

“Divine personhood is defined in relational terms. The Father is the Father because he has a Son. God is persons-in-community. Human personhood, too, is defined in relational terms. You can no more have a relation-less person than you can have a childless mother or parentless son. The trinitarian understanding of our humanity suggests we should define ourselves by the network of relationships in which we live…I am a person-in-community…My being in Christ means being in Christ with those others who are in Christ. This is my identity. This is our identity” (39).

“In our experience, people are often enthusiastic about community until it impinges on their decision-making. For all their rhetoric, they still expect to make decisions by themselves and for themselves. We assume we are masters of our own lives. ‘It’s my money, it’s my life, it’s my future,’ we say, ’so it’s my decision.’ In contrast, in The Croweded House we ‘expect one another to make decisions with regard to the implications for the church and to make significant decisions in consultation with the church.’ A married man must take into account his wife and family, consulting with them over significant decisions. It should be the same in the family of God…In the Christian community we belong to one another and so we are responsible for one another and make decisions together. This is not a process of ‘heavy shepherding’ where the leader tells people what to do. Our statement does not say decisions are made for people. It says they are made with regard to the community to which they belong” (45).

HT:eucatastrophe

From a 2nd chapter excerpt: Total Truth by Nancy Pearcey

“People often become very attached to a religion that addresses their emotional and practical needs in this manner. In an increasingly impersonal public world, people are hungry for resources to sustain their personal and private world. Nonetheless, it represents a truncated view of Christianity’s claims to be the truth about all of reality. “Secularization did not cause the death of religion,” says theologian Walter Kasper, but it did cause it to “become but one sector of modern life along with many others. Religion lost its claim to universality and its power of interpretation.” That is, Christianity no longer functions as a lens to interpret the whole of reality; it is no longer held as total truth.

In essence, Christians have accepted a trade-off: By acquiescing in the privatization process, Newbigin says, Christianity “has secured for itself a continuing place, at the cost of surrendering the crucial field.” In other words, Christianity has survived in the private sphere, but at the cost of losing the ability to make a credible claim in the public sphere or to challenge the reigning ideologies.

The reason Newbigin was so sensitive to the problem is that he lived for
forty years as a missionary in India, which is not plagued by the same secular/sacred, public/private split. The mentality of Indian Christians is that of course religion permeates all of life. The same is true of African Christians. “In most human cultures, religion is not a separate activity set apart from the rest of life,” Newbigin explains. In these cultures, “what we call religion is a whole worldview, a way of understanding the whole of human experience.”

On a global scale, then, the secular/sacred dichotomy is an anomaly—a distinctive of Western culture alone. “The sharp line which modern Western culture has drawn between religious affairs and secular affairs is itself one of the most significant peculiarities of our culture, and would be incomprehensible to the vast majority of people.” In order to communicate the gospel in the West, we face a unique challenge: We need to learn how to liberate it from the private sphere and present it in its glorious fullness as the truth about all reality.”

Do you agree with Nancy?

- Before Grudem and Piper argued over baptism and church membership there was Bunyan and Booth. ironically, this blog mentions Watts Baptist Church which Amber and I just walked by on our recent Duke tour.

- Wikipedia rewrites history. How reliable is history in an open source world?

- THE NEW PERSPECTIVE:  Bob Robinson has PDF’d (is that a word?) Scott McKnight’s stuff on the New Perspective. If you read the Christianity Today article (“What Did Paul Really Mean?”) this is a great way to go deeper as Scott does it better than anyone.on New Perspective (PDF LINK)

- VOLUNTEER: Prof. Stackhouse says churches should stop playing games with volunteers by changing the language of “stepping up” to “opportunities”: GO

- Are we free to continually interpret the Atonement, going beyond Jesus own interpretation of his death? Does Geoff Holsclaw have a point here?  

- FUN: the online ETCH A SKETCH !!

Gareth Higgins a Christian writer and activist in Belfast, Northern Ireland of How Movies Helped Save My Soul fame, which I read and loved, has listed his Greenbelt (I think it is some conference he holds) movies of the year at his www.godisnotelsewhere.blogspot.com blog.

I thought I would list them and comment in italics.

THE BEST FILMS OF THE YEAR (released between end August 2006 - end August 2007)

16: The Queen - fascinating experience of seeing someone we had previously only seen in parody – what does it mean for what Britain is as a nation?
I’ve seen parts of this having snuck in an adjacent theatre one day. it is on my list to see on DVD. What I saw looked like the typical English pomp.

15: An Inconvenient Truth – truly campaigning film – changed the direction of the wind
I saw this while painting someone’s living room one dark day. I’m an unbeliever in the dooms day religion Gore sells and find it fascinating that many of my emergent liberal friends have accepted such an orthodox position on a rather shortsighted doctrine and literally will not tolerate dissension.(try and present any evidence to the contrary at a party and see what happens) 
I am betting that in 50 years we will laugh at Gore’s version of science like we now laugh at Y2K.  Gore is the new Luther. Well, that’s too merciful, he is more like the cliche TV evangelist hypocritically committing the very sins he preaches against while buying penance (offsets) and cashing in on fear.

14: Dreamgirls - for pure entertainment value, the most exciting film of the year
Great music, nice teeth. My kids watched this too many times for me to be objective.

13: Little Children – when will we all grow up?
Amber, my wife, said it was not as good as the book. decent film with a very weird tone-very grey.

12: Flags of our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima - Clint Eastwood, a former Republican city mayor produces two of the most profound anti-war statements ever committed to film.
On my must see short list….maybe tonight.

11: Jindabyne - a Raymond Carver short story transplanted from the US to Australia, which manages to squeeze in reflections on men and women’s relationships, aboriginal rights, ancient religious culture, guilt and shame, self-identity and the fear of what lurks under the bed.
hmmmm…maybe I’ll see it. did anyone else see this?

10: Into Great Silence - a film that makes you feel like you’re living in a monastery
Never heard of it but now I think I will watch it.

9: The Departed – violence as a way of life; what should policing be about?
I noticed how my non-violent advocating friends made exceptions for this film..I can’t figure out how they decide which violence to like and which to hate…I, like everyone else, thought this was a great film and very M.S.

8: Stranger than Fiction - what would you do if you really believed you could write your own life?
This was not as funny as I anticipated and had a very melancholy tone, which I like…worth watching again to hear the dialogue more.

7: The Lives of Others - a film that makes you feel you might be living in a prison, but that your perceived enemy may well be your best friend.
Ok, I’ll watch it UPDATED: ok, I watched this last night and today.(aug 24.2007) This is a great film that tells a love story from the viewpoint the Stasi!! Think tragic love, walled Germany and the newley formed patriot act and this movie will greet you in many different ways.

6: Zodiac - an American thriller that takes murder seriously
Not interested.

5: Little Miss Sunshine – let families be real by reducing your expectations
ok all you people who loved this…ok, I liked it too..anger is the comedians muse…but is it really that funny to have a little girl dance like a stripper? I just wish they had written that whole part of the plot differently but then it wouldn’t reflect the depravity of an old dirty man.

4: Ten Canoes – storytelling and how we muddy the waters
hmmm

3: Children of Men – one of the finest films of the year – a fearful nightmare of what might be happening to us; but the lengths to which people will go to preserve human life out-reach the killing: love is stronger than death.
I think the film is interesting but found myself wondering if the drab palette and cinematography weren’t the real brilliancies in the film…I found it slow.

2: Once - a beguiling love story that takes the underclass seriously.
Never heard of it.

1: The Fountain - a film that actually succeeds in conveying what it feels like to be in love.
I’m surprised this is his number one but found this film to be actually what he says above…its a very simple note to strike but it happens over and over in fantastical and creative ways….very very slow film though, don’t watch late at night.

WORTHY OF CONVERSATION
Bobby/Tell No One/Babel/Borat/Casino Royale/Pan’s Labyrinth/Shortbus/Sicko/Perfume/Apocalypto/A Prairie Home Companion/Crank/This Film is Not Yet Rated/Rocky Balboa/Old Joy/Notes on a Scandal/Transformers/Knocked Up/Half Nelson/Inland Empire/Idiocracy/Hot Fuzz/This is England/Beyond Hatred/300/Amazing Grace/Shooter/Alpha Dog/Black Gold/Die Hard 4.0/The Bourne Ultimatum

I would also liketo add to the worthy of converstaion: Yellow